Jan 6, 2017



Well! I am well! This illustration should capture my feelings now. 


I was born Christian, and I was raised in Christian since I could remember. However, I also go to college and work in market place. So, I kinda know how this world is. My Christian seed is balancing myself with whatever happens around me. I personally think this is good, bcs now I can call myself a rationalized Christian. Which sometimes it hurts my mind. Lucky me, i have tons of lovely people around me to set up things that I somehow made not straight :p

So, I had a thing happen around 6 years ago. I honestly think what happen to me WAS NOT IS NOT AND WILL NOT ever be fair. I was secretly living with that 'hatred' for 6 years! As a Christian, this is fatal. However, I keep telling myself: let go, just like Jesus said. I am trying so hard to let it go. It gone for a while, but it keep coming back. I thought, i will keep living like that for the rest of my life, keeping that rotten egg .

..until last month. I saw a very news that my great friend told me. That rotten egg is finally gone. Like karma, that unfair person, get exactly what I got on the last 6 years ago, well, not exactly, double the pain, i should say. I know i should not be happy. I know. but I am so damn happy. If I meet that person before this karma happen, I will not know how to react. I am sure that I will 99% turn around and go the opposite direction. Now, I 100% sure that I could be normal and greet them well. 

I am not trying to say anything in here, to deliver some great points. No, no. A confession, perhaps.
I have been doing my service in the church, sunday school to be precise, for 8 years now. I tell my kids to not hate peoples, to forgive others as what Jesus do. On the other hand, deep inside, in a very secret room in my heart I do the opposite. If those kids know, I shall be labeled hypocrite. Should i feel guilty. Yes I should. But hey, I feel the other way around. I realized how bad I am, not being 100% when i serve, yet He still love me 100%.

I am a bad person, but for sure, God love this bad person so so so much.  


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