Mar 12, 2012

Thoughts



so i went for a church camp (sort of) for the last two days. the camp itself was fantastic! a lot of new insights was taken.. i was reminded about two main things. the first is forgiving. for this past 6 months and 15 years, i've made myself believe that forgiving = forgetting. how-e-ver, this is so wrong. bcs whenever, i flash back to those 'hurt-ness' my heart keeps aching, which means, i was just trying to shift+del my past with the peoples that hurt me. i even get to a point where one of my life goal is to be better than them-which feels so stupid right now- i also tried to minimize the opportunity of meeting them alive (sounds creepy) but then, i learned that forgiving means accepting what happened in the past, and keep going with freedom and inner-peace..and this needs commitment and His guidance. When you keep the hate for so long, you would have none to believe in but Him. 
second, i was motivated to give myself more for kids. i was opened to a fact that human get 'hurtness seed' between 5-12 years, including me. those spooky yet hurting memories stays in their head forever. the assaults, violence, sexual harassment, verbal abuse, etc stick in their mind like a high-quality paper glue :p I don't know what other people get, but this what i get: i can't do anything about what happened in their home and family. i can't push their parents to be nice to them. however, i can plant the 'goodness seeds' of knowing the Savior in their bare mind, creating a happy memories and planting the heavenly peace seeds that they could recall whenever they have to face the cruel worlds  -true story-

;)


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